What? Why?
A discerning eye can pick them a mile away. The person who won't move from the aisle to the vacant window seat on the bus, or that guy who presses the >|< button in the lift when someone is desperately running to catch it. It's a fact of today's society that shit blokes are amongst us. More than that, they are everywhere.
The classic shit bloke is someone who:
- Is always late;
- Doesn't respond to messages or return phone calls;
- Is flakey and generally unreliable;
- Lacks basic manners and the ability to engage common courtesy;
- Doesn't reciprocate when someone buys them a drink;
- And, in the most extreme cases, is a liar (this characteristic escalates said bloke from the traditional shit bloke category, to the ultimate shit bloke category).
Inspired by this, I made it my New Year's resolution to become a better bloke by:
- Being a nicer person and generally less judgmental (nuff said);
- Being more thoughtful/considerate (e.g. if I see something that I know a mate has been looking for, get it for them, and don't just tell them that I saw it after buying one for myself);
- Volunteer somewhere (yes, I know, "snooze" I hear you say);
- Improve my posture (top blokes don't have dowagers humps or hockey stick backs) (unless they were born with them, in which case, they can't help it) (I wasn't. So I can.);
- Take up a hobby that I can continue into my retirement (not only will this make this bloke generally more interesting, but it will fill my days during my twilight years);
- Kick the kegs (self explanatory);
- Improve my core strength (so as to avoid a 'Grandpa belly' like situation);
- Learn to cook (a bloke's gotta eat);
- Take better care of my appearance (e.g. it is unacceptable to pretend that I just went to the gym when going to the shops because I can't be bothered to choose another outfit or to put any effort into my hair);
- Be financially responsible (e.g. replacing the money spent on my credit card is not saving);
- Pre-empt situations (e.g. if I leave things sitting on the edge of the sink, I will knock them into the sink, and they will break); and
- Personal challenge: Run the Bridge to Brisbane.
I won't be doing this on my own, instead I will be assisted by many of my better bloke mates who will help me along the way while also providing tips for my fellow aspiring better blokes (that's you). I will also learn from the top blokes and the shit blokes around me, and build up a bit of a repertoire of do's and don'ts.
By the end of 2013, this bloke will be a better bloke. And you're going to read about it.
Top Bloke: The Bradford Batman
A 39-year-old bloke in Bradford, England, delivered a guy wanted for burglary to Police whilst dressed in what has been described as an "ill-fitting" Batman costume. It has since become apparent that he had previously been at a soccer match (he was probably a bit drunk) and that the assailant was one of his mates.
Regardless, accompanying a mate to the police station to turn themselves in, with or without a Batman suit, is a top bloke move.
Update: Batman has since hit back at media reports that he was a portly version of the superhero by saving that he was wearing a tracksuit under his costume, to be fair.
Shit Bloke(s): Stoppers, Obstructors, and Blockers
- The Sidewalk Stopper
You may have forgotten something, stopped to send a text, or worse, to read one, but what you don't realise is that you are obstructing the path of your fellow footpath users. That second of selfish-mindlessness causes a domino effect, for as someone else stops to dodge you, that person then blocks the path of the pedestrian behind them, and that person blocks the path of the pedestrian behind them etc. Best case scenario, they slow down and so does everyone else. Worst case scenario, as you abruptly come to a stop, the person behind you has to act quickly and there is a pedestrian collision with another innocent footpath user. Either way, it's a shit bloke move. Next time, be a top bloke, and cautiously move to the side of the sidewalk instead of suddenly stopping in your tracks. - The Stairwell Obstructor
Sets of stairs that tend to be busy are also generally wider, so if someone is standing at the bottom of a set of stairs, it is possible for fellow stair users to simply go around them. However, going around a stairwell obstructor, and changing course, causes further congestion because everyone else has to 'merge'. Worst case scenario, the stairs become unnecessarily congested and people have to wait and descend at a much slower pace simply become some bloke is waiting for a mate in the middle, or at the bottom of the set of stairs. - The Escalator Blocker
These people are the worst. Escalators aren't wide. In fact, they are particularly narrow and allow enough space for 1, maybe 2 people max, to stand side by side. Therefore, if you are standing at the top of the escalator contemplating your next move, there is a good chance that no one is going to be able to get past you. The worst part? Escalators move constantly. Once on it, there is no getting off. So if you decide to stop at the top, fellow escalator users have no option but to hit you once at the top. Not to mention the anxiety that they feel when they see the behind of someone blocking the top of the escalator and knowing that they have no option but to hit them. Don't do it. Be a top bloke and take a couple of steps away from the escalator and let people pass.
Contributor: The Fit Bloke
This bloke has some pretty weak core muscles, so I asked my mate the physio for some advice, and this is what he said:
Muscles can be broken up into movers and stabilisers.
- Movers tend to be the large multi-jointed muscles like your Latissimus dorsi and Pec major (Google it); and
- Stabilisers tend to be smaller, single joint muscles like your rotator cuff or deep gluteal muscles (Google it).
The role of the movers is self explanatory. They often operate for short periods/repetitive movements (e.g. lifting, throwing, walking, running like a boss etc.) Stabilisers have the equally, if not more important role of holding joints in alignment and or stabilising them through movement. For example, core muscles help control your lower back and general posture. Core muscles are in theory active at a low level all day (approximately 10%), controlling your back and posture at rest and with movement.
Problems occur with injury and pain. It is common for stabilising muscles to be inhibited (switched off) when you're in pain. For example, when in pain your moving muscles try to take over the stabilising role causing further pain and generally imbalance your muscle system ( e.g. may cause further back pain, muscle soreness, uncoordination with movement etc.)
"So what can I do Fit Bloke?" I hear you ask.
Well, here is how you can get some of your core muscles working:
- Draw up through the middle of your head as if it is being pulled up by a floating balloon. Whilst doing this, stick your tongue to the roof of your mouth (this last step helps your deep neck muscles).
- Stand nice and tall with excellent posture and grip the floor with your feet (while doing so, you should feel your pelvic floor lift and tighten).
- Gently draw the bottom of your belly button (around your belt line) in towards the back of your spine- make sure your stomach doesn't bulge (e.g. in manner of Grandpa belly). This will work your transverse abdominus (Google it) (core stabilising muscles).
If you have any pain, questions or concerns, see a physiotherapist. Or someone else who might be useful.
Better bloke: Improve my core strength (so as to avoid a 'Grandpa belly' like situation).
Until next time better blokes, peace out.
If you see a top bloke or a shit bloke, have any tips or pearls of wisdom to impart, e-mail me at beabetterbloke@gmail.com and I will pass them onto fellow aspiring better blokes.
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