I'm Bringing Manners Back

Do you know what aren't overrated? Manners. 

After I hastily hobbled (as a result of some prematurely ambitious training for my Bridge to Brisbane better bloke) the final 10 meters to get the bus on Tuesday afternoon, the driver eye contacted me, closed the door, and drove off.

I. Was. Outraged.

He would have seen me hobbling in one of his obnoxiously large bus mirrors, and he still chose to drove off. It was nothing but the behaviour of a poorly mannered middle aged man.

When I was thinking about this incident, it occurred to me that this isn't uncommon, and so I have decided to dedicate this post to the various displays of well mannered, and poorly mannered people that I have observed this week.

Top Bloke: Holders and Forfeiters

 

1. The bin holder

I had lunch with a mate this week (top bloke in itself) and as I went to throw my salad (kicking the kegs) packaging into the bin, he held the bin open for me. Not only did he hold it for me, but he also held it for the woman who threw her sandwich bag in after me.

What a top bloke. No one likes touching bins and the slimy, ambiguous substances that inevitably encase them, at the best of times. So holding the bin open for someone is a total top bloke move.

2. The door and lift holder

I am always pleasantly surprised when someone holds a lift or door for you, opens the car door, or lets you exit first. It is a very small gesture in the grand scheme of things, but it suggests that someone isn't putting their needs above yours, something which is very rare (refer to the story of the bus driver above), and a total top bloke move.

3. The seat forfeiter

Whilst on a packed bus on Monday afternoon a man in his mid 30s offered me his seat. At first, I was shocked and thought that he assumed that I was either a) pregnant, b) old or c) disabled, but then I realised that he was just a top bloke.



Top bloke learnings: The fact that I was so surprised by these small, yet top bloke gestures, which are probably common courtesies, simply proves the fact that good manners are on the out in 2013. So be more considerate and do small things that pleasantly surprise people and make their days that little bit easier without making yours any harder.

Mr and Mrs Shit Bloke: Flashers

Mrs Shit Bloke: While at my nephew's baby music class (yes, babies go to music classes) something caught my eye and made me gag. No, it wasn't a child. Instead, it was a Grandmother who was sitting directly across from me on the ground wearing a peasant skirt with her legs up in what could only be described as an A formation, mindlessly tapping her foot to the tunes- I copped an eye full. Not only was this incredibly inappropriate and inconsiderate, it was down right disgusting. I shouldn't have been able to tell whether her curtains matched her drapes, if you know what I mean, and she shouldn't assume that getting her bits out at a children's music class, or at all, is acceptable, regardless of how comfortable she may feel in that space.

Mr Shit Bloke: As if once wasn't bad enough, while I was at the gym (kicking the kegs), a shit bloke was lying on the ground with his bottom to a mirror and his legs in the air in some kind of stretch. He was wearing shorts with in built underwear, and let me tell you, when you're legs 11 and stretching near a mirror, those undies don't cut it. Junk. City. Wear some jocks to the gym mate.

Shit bloke learnings: For goodness sake, cover up and appreciate that what might be acceptable at home is not acceptable in public. Pre-empt the situation that you're about to get yourself into and dress appropriately. 

Better Bloke Beat: Jake Bugg

Top blokes don't just tune, they also listen to tunes. 

Seen it All by Jake Bugg.

Get that all up in your ears.

Better Bloke Contributor: The Better Bloke Conversation Check List

The 21st century has borne phenomenal technological advancement. Want to have a video chat with your mate in Argentina while you're on the train to work? No problem. Or perhaps you've just left the residence of a sexy pal, desperately need a cab but have no idea where you are? No worries! Google maps will let you know your location with a friendly drop pin.

Sending and receiving information has never been easier, but it has come at a price.

Face-to-face communication - even voice-to-voice communication - is not what it once was. In a single day it's typical to receive e-mails, Snapchats, texts, Tweets, to partake in a bit of FB live chat and a little wall-to-wall banter. However, there's nothing quite like chatting away in real time.

Some people have an enviable knack for good conversation and can effortlessly engage with just about anyone. For others, it can be an awkward, sometimes sweaty exchange, leaving both parties edging for the exit. But those of us who come across as bumbling fools needn't be relegated to the leper colony.

Being able to have a relaxed and casual conversation is a skill that separates the top blokes from the shit blokes, AND, thankfully, there are things we can do to go from shit bloke to top bloke in one fell swoop.

So here is your top bloke convo checklist:

1. Listen

We all love talking about ourselves, but let's be honest, that bores others. So when you converse, ask interesting and thoughtful questions which make people feel engaged and excited to chat. E.g. Has your convo buddy got some holidays coming up, and if so, where are they going? You get the gist. Try to ask follow up questions as well- asking one mandatory question after the other before using their answer to segue into more about you is not what top blokes do.

2. Tailor the conversation to the listener

So you're with your mates, but there's a couple of newbies in the mix. If you're all in a weekend rugby club, is it going to make for good conversation if half the group can't contribute? Top blokes don't leave people hanging. On this point, if you're in a group scenario, there's no space for one-on-one. If someone else in the group is excluding another, be a top bloke and fill them in.

3. Give and take

There's no space for monologues in good conversations. While it's perfectly acceptable to tell a story, (and maybe it's even on the long side), if you notice you've been speaking for a while without any interaction from the other people, this is a sign it's time to hand the reigns over.


4. Avoid foot-in-mouth disease

It's Friday arvo at the pub, and you've been sinking the wines like it's nobody's business. Nekminnuit, you find yourself commenting on how ugly the new secretary is and it becomes apparent she's actually your colleagues' niece. Awk-city. Avoid these unnecessary foot-in-mouth horror stores by thinking before you speak. Unless you're with your core mates, leave the judgment-laden comments at home.

5. Don't interrupt

As all top blokes know, it's really, really annoying to be constantly interrupted while you're trying to contribute to a conversation. 1954's Esquire Etiquette explained it best when they described the two forms of interrupting: 

"The obvious one, interrupting the speaker in mid-sentence, is easy to avoid: just wait until the other has stopped talking before you start. (And don't ever say, "Have you finished?" You might as well say right out that he's a windy numskull and you thought he'd never run down.) The other kind of interruption, equally culpable, is often prefaced by "That reminds me..." or "By the way..." Such phrases usually signal a digression or irrelevancy. When you interrupt another's train of thought, you send a discussion off into a tangent, you indicate that you are either stupid or rude, and unable or unwilling to stick to the speaker's point."

6. Don't one-up

Just don't.

So your mate is really pumped to have just booked a ski-holiday in Thredbo, but your partner's Dad is paying for you to go on an all-expense paid 3-week trip in the Swiss Alps, flying first class. Save it for another time. One-uppers don't come across as cooler, wittier, or funnier - they come across as deeply insecure, and of course, as really, really shit blokes.  

Better bloke learnings: Having good manners isn't always about what you do, it is also about what you say and how you say it. Being a good conversationalist is impressive and will probably help ring in the blokes and birds, so it's worth it.


Have a good week better blokes!

If you see a top bloke or a shit bloke, have any tips or pearls of wisdom to impart, e-mail me at beabetterbloke@gmail.com and I will pass them onto fellow aspiring better blokes. 

Disclaimer: None of the above images are my own. I have obtained them from the following sources:
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